Sunday, 28 July 2013

Over Educated and Emotionally Illiterate

I didn't write the following, instead I found it on the site I work for. I'm posting this because I've seen people boast about never dating someone with "a low level of education/IQ."


Recently I’ve found that quite a few readers place a high value on intelligence in their partners and it’s often the primary value that concerns them the most. These very same people are then bewildered as to why these ‘intelligent’ partners haven’t given them the relationship that they expected, and were in fact lacking in relationship and emotional smarts.

Intelligent partner doesn’t equal intelligent relationship doesn’t equal mutually fulfilling healthy copiloted relationship.

There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to or desiring intelligent partners but like anything you place a high value on, it’s important not to be blinded by it and make assumptions about qualities, characteristics and values that they might possess with that intelligence. It’s equally important not to overvalue that same quality or characteristic in yourself and be blinded to other aspects of you or use it to compensate for real intimacy

Being intelligent is about having the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills. However being intelligent is not the same as being relationship smart, emotionally smart, or even street smart.

Being relationship and emotionally smart are different and are made exceptionally more complicated when you throw in libidos, experiences, interpretations, beliefs, values, how you’re raised, confidence levels, how emotionally available you are and of course your self-esteem. I know a hell of lot of people who have low or even zilch self-esteem that are very high achievers. Why? Because they have the knowledge and the skills and can just ‘get on with it’, and particularly if they avoid their feelings and intimacy and bury themselves in their intelligence or work, plus they get recognition and feel respected and good in that field, it’s an easier way of getting validation.

There’s no point in being with an intelligent person that treats you poorly or is emotionally disconnected. It’s also important to recognize that some very intelligent people will also very intelligently screw you over. I also know an incredibly intelligent person (seriously high IQ), a gazillion degrees – shag all social skills, can’t hold down a relationship, zero common sense, pain in the arse and arrogant.

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